My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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