That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
