What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
