how can u be prego again
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
