She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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