I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
