So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
