My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
