Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
