Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
