I seem to have left my pride at pride
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
