my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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