I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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