Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
