Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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