dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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