Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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