So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
