Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
