So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Panties = found
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
