Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
