Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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