And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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