i think my tv is drunk
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
