3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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