3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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