I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone came in the potted fern
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
