i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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