I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
