Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
