Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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