haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
