Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
