is your mom at the bar?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
