Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
