I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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