belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
