Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your tits are I can't wait for
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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