i just wanna soil my oats bro
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
