Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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