Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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