ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
