All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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