id be glad to
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
