Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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