that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
