You're my little dorito
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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