I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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