his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
