my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
