he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
