You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
